Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I love having hate sex.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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