When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
