You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
