I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
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