i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
