she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
