there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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