So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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