absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
