Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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