it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
