I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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