also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
