Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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