I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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