Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
