theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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