His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
