I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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