Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
