I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
