Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I wish there were birth control emojis
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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