I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
