I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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