When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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