now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
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You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
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If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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