how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
