Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
