I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
