im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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