and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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