He is an equal opportunity slut.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
