If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
