The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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