he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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