at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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