her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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