Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
