Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
