You really coming over, don't trick.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
