I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
