oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
