i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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