dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
