I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My pussy is not your playground.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
