it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
