How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
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The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize