can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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