then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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