Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
