went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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