omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
there is glitter all over my balls
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
