I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
