I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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