bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
you had me at cake vodka
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No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
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After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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