I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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