Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
