My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
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another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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