I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
