her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
