I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
