Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
