He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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