She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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