And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
