I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
