I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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