i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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