If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
