She said her name was "party"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
